Parapoetica

Courtesy of Mom

If there is no self,
whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip… joy.
With the second… satisfaction.
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single “oy.”

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called,
you never wrote, you never visited.
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkes.

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the
Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance,
do the following: Get rid of the motorcycle.
What were you thinking?

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation
is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says,“Love thy neighbor as thyself.”
The Buddha says there is no “self.”
So, maybe you are off the hook.

The Buddha taught that one should practice loving
kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you
to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain,
though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away,
yet shall you meditate and not stir
until you have attained full Enlightenment.
But, first, a little nosh.

Courtesy of Deborah Foner…

5760 Year according to Jewish calendar
4696 Year according to Chinese calendar
1064 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food.

Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat.

Bum: “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days!”
Jewish mother: “Force yourself.”

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

A man calls his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?”

“Not too good,” says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”

“Why are you so weak?”

“Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”

“That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”

“Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”

There’s a big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he’s been given a part in the school play.

Asks the mother, “Wonderful. What part is it?”

The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”

“Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

Jewish telegram: “Begin worrying. Details to follow.”